1am, Saturday Morning

'BEEP'
Sponky: What's that?
Husband-person: It's probably just one of the computers, go back to sleep
1 minute later: 'BEEP'.
Sponky: Are you sure?
Husband-person: Go back to sleep
1 minute later: 'BEEP'
Sponky and Husband-Person in concert : The fire alarm is out of battery!

And, as Murphy always seems to have it, the one battery we need is the one battery we don't have. Husband-person bravely volunteers to go to the 24x7 petrol station to acquire the necessary battery.

Battery is replaced.
'BEEP'
Husband-person: WTF?

The manual is dragged out (yes, the fire alarm has a manual), we follow ALL the instructions to quiet a beeping alarm (clean the unit, turn off at mains, new battery, turn on mains, test unit). Testing the unit proves to be the most fun part, with Husband-person up on the stool with a pillow over the alarm in an attempt not to wake the entire neighbourhood. And yet, the beeping continues. It's now 1:45.

Husband-person: Right, this thing is not keeping me awake

At this point, fuse is turned off, fire alarm is pulled out the ceiling and Husband-person disconnects it from the mains. Battery is also removed, so technically the unit should HAVE NO POWER, yet the beeping continues. However, the unit is now detached and we can put it somewhere to shut it up. In a cupboard, covered with phone books, with the door shut - and the 'BEEP' is just as loud as if it was out in the open!

Sponky: Right, I am putting it in the fridge!

We have a beer-brewing fridge for summer brewing in the garage which is currently OFF and clean, so I climb around the Disco, over the lawn mower and put the cursed device in there and close the door. We stand there is silence, and we here another 'BEEP'.... coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE! It's like those horror movies...

At this point, we return to the house and inspect the OTHER thing on the ceiling, which we had believed to be a motion detector for the alarm system. It's not. In fact, it is ALSO a fire alarm and it's actually THIS UNIT that is out of battery and has been beeping for the last hour.

Yes, that's right folks, we spent an hour in the middle of the night changing the WRONG FREAKING BATTERY.

We finally retired at 2:15, Husband-person being incredibly unimpressed, and me laughing hysterically. That second smoke detector will NOT be getting new batteries...